It is difficult for me to be transparent. Down the roads of my own life, I picked up on the lie that it is better for everyone if you just keep certain things to yourself. Not many will truly care and some might even come to the conclusion that you are just in search of some side dishes of pity. However, as I begin to write down these words, I am coming to realize that the very reason my heart is heavy is because of silence. So, here it is.
I am 27 years old and I am completely devastated that my parents are separating. I am trying to fight my way out of the most unhealthy anger I have ever experienced towards my father and I long for the ability to be what I need to be for my mother. I am certain, because of these things, that I am completely in love with the both of them.
I am sad that my son has a temporarily broken mom and that my husband has a distracted wife. However, I am thankful for the both of them and I understand that I could not have asked for a better family to stand next to me.
I feel completely let down by those who could have helped and chose not to. I feel angry at those who have formed an opinion rather than a hurt. And then I begin to beat myself up for all of the times I have done the same. I think I am beginning to learn that love doesn't function the way I thought it did... thank God.
Whether right or wrong... this is where I am.
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Beth- Thank you for being transparent and letting it out. I know this in itself was a huge hurdle for you to leap over. I am so proud to call you my sister, and I mean that word in the deepest sense. I have no doubt that through your words you will bless others and draw them closer to the love the Christ truly has for us.
ReplyDelete"Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16
I know you are becoming not only a stronger person, but a stronger wife and mom as well. I love you dearly. And I will continue to pray.
While I am sure it was not the easiest thing to do, I appreciate getting to know a little bit more of how you are really doing... It also helps me to know more specifically how to pray for you, BJ, and your family. Those who know you and love you ( Jill and I certainly love you and BJ, and Liam of course) know that you are not looking for "side dishes of pity". It is in the friendship and in the connection we have as brother's and sister's in Christ that we pray for one another. That we laugh, cry, share sadness, anger, and joy. That is how things should be, that is how the community of believers was meant to be. It makes me sad to know another marriage has fallen, that is a tragedy. I also hear the sadness in your voice even a bit louder than the anger and am praying. Thank you for being honest and open. We miss you guys, and take comfort in knowing you are so being covered in prayer.
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